Thoughts on Babies

You know what I think is a terribly rude question?

"So...when are you going to have one?"

You all know what "one" I am talking about.  I get asked this question a lot.  And every time I give a polite, "Oh boy, I don't know....!!!"  but in my head I'm thinking,

a) How much more personal of a question could you ask?  The choice of if and when to have children is between Husband, Wife and God.  Not you, Nosy Norma.

b) What if this is a sensitive subject?  What if he wants kids now and I want them in 5 years?  What if I want 10 and he wants 2?

c) What if, heaven forbid, knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder and spin around three times, we were trying to get pregnant and it just hadn't happened yet?

Seriously people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Confession:  I don't really like other peoples' kids.

(Except for my brand new one and only perfect niece Lilly.  I die.)

This probably makes me a horrible person.  But really.  I never wanted to be a nanny in NYC, or run my own preschool.  I never even babysat that much.  

I mean, I love babies.  I love kids.  I think they are hilarious, I really like playing with them because we're pretty much on the same level, but I also like giving them back.  I can't handle the parents who stand around talking about their little "rug rats and shmoopsie pies" while their children run around with snot dripping out of their noses coughing on everybody.  (You all know the type.  Don't pretend.)

I don't think changing diapers is a magical experience.

I am not excited to fatten up and barf all the time.

I think childbirth is gross.  ('They have fingernails.  Fingernails!')

But.

I 

am

so 

excited

to

be

a

mom.

I don't know how to express my joy, my burning desire to be a mother.

You can call me baby hungry, or whatever.

I know I will love my children beyond belief.  I already do.  I pray for them.  I think about being a mother every single day.  And when I think about being a mother I think about singing my kids to sleep.  And when I think about singing my kids to sleep I think about singing I am a Child of God to them.  And I tear up every. single. time.  (For real.  I teared about about 5 times just thinking about writing this.)

The fact that some little being that will be a part of me and Trey could be entrusted to our care, and be so helpless that we have to see to their every need, is both terrifying and astounding.

The fact that the calling to be a parent is so strong that women have been, are and will be giving up their bodies so completely, and without any regard for themselves so that someone else can live and grow and come into this world is absolutely mind blowing.

The fact that a child being conceived, growing and being born ready for this earth can even physically happen is a miracle.

It is a miracle.

The fact that one of Heavenly Father's precious spirits could come to live with us, be one of ours -- there are no words.

It is said that being a parent is the ultimate act of selflessness.  People give up their lives so completely for their children.  And that is true.  But I have to believe that being a parent brings so much joy and makes life so much more complete that it could be argued that it is the other way around.

I may not be everyone's go-to babysitter.  But I will be the greatest mother.  Because I will love my child, my children, more than anyone.  I sometimes feel as if I am going to burst with love and anticipation.

But if you ask me when I am going to have one, I'll punch you in the face.