Thoughts on Babies

You know what I think is a terribly rude question?

"So...when are you going to have one?"

You all know what "one" I am talking about.  I get asked this question a lot.  And every time I give a polite, "Oh boy, I don't know....!!!"  but in my head I'm thinking,

a) How much more personal of a question could you ask?  The choice of if and when to have children is between Husband, Wife and God.  Not you, Nosy Norma.

b) What if this is a sensitive subject?  What if he wants kids now and I want them in 5 years?  What if I want 10 and he wants 2?

c) What if, heaven forbid, knock on wood, throw salt over my shoulder and spin around three times, we were trying to get pregnant and it just hadn't happened yet?

Seriously people.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Confession:  I don't really like other peoples' kids.

(Except for my brand new one and only perfect niece Lilly.  I die.)

This probably makes me a horrible person.  But really.  I never wanted to be a nanny in NYC, or run my own preschool.  I never even babysat that much.  

I mean, I love babies.  I love kids.  I think they are hilarious, I really like playing with them because we're pretty much on the same level, but I also like giving them back.  I can't handle the parents who stand around talking about their little "rug rats and shmoopsie pies" while their children run around with snot dripping out of their noses coughing on everybody.  (You all know the type.  Don't pretend.)

I don't think changing diapers is a magical experience.

I am not excited to fatten up and barf all the time.

I think childbirth is gross.  ('They have fingernails.  Fingernails!')

But.

I 

am

so 

excited

to

be

a

mom.

I don't know how to express my joy, my burning desire to be a mother.

You can call me baby hungry, or whatever.

I know I will love my children beyond belief.  I already do.  I pray for them.  I think about being a mother every single day.  And when I think about being a mother I think about singing my kids to sleep.  And when I think about singing my kids to sleep I think about singing I am a Child of God to them.  And I tear up every. single. time.  (For real.  I teared about about 5 times just thinking about writing this.)

The fact that some little being that will be a part of me and Trey could be entrusted to our care, and be so helpless that we have to see to their every need, is both terrifying and astounding.

The fact that the calling to be a parent is so strong that women have been, are and will be giving up their bodies so completely, and without any regard for themselves so that someone else can live and grow and come into this world is absolutely mind blowing.

The fact that a child being conceived, growing and being born ready for this earth can even physically happen is a miracle.

It is a miracle.

The fact that one of Heavenly Father's precious spirits could come to live with us, be one of ours -- there are no words.

It is said that being a parent is the ultimate act of selflessness.  People give up their lives so completely for their children.  And that is true.  But I have to believe that being a parent brings so much joy and makes life so much more complete that it could be argued that it is the other way around.

I may not be everyone's go-to babysitter.  But I will be the greatest mother.  Because I will love my child, my children, more than anyone.  I sometimes feel as if I am going to burst with love and anticipation.

But if you ask me when I am going to have one, I'll punch you in the face.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, Ever. Pt III

So.

He was back.

He was taller than I remembered.

We all went upstairs and talked and talked until finally everyone left and it was just us.

And his family.

After a lot more talking and Trey looking like he was about to pass out, it was time for me to leave, with the promise that I would return the next day.

We walked out to my car, I hugged him, and he said, "They are definitely watching us."

So I gave a little wave in the window's general direction (they were definitely watching us), and he said, "Why don't we give them a show?" Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

He was totally back.

pre-mission

post-mission
as you can see, nothing changed.

The next morning I woke up to a text message from an unknown number asking me where in the world I was. Thus beginning the period of time between him coming home and us being engaged where we never even went 24 hours without seeing each other.

He came home on a Friday night, and the entire weekend we were grinning like idiots. He met the rest of my family (while still having that deer-in-headlights expression. nice.), and the following Monday we headed up to school. For real.

Like I said, we were together everyday, and I had officially dropped off the face of the earth according to my roommates. I was one of Those Girls. (Did I really have to become every girl cliche? Srsly tho.)

In my defense, we had a lot to catch up on. Two years worth of

mission stories

sara stories

serious conversations

hilarious conversations

LOST episodes

cooking together

I don't think I ever mentioned this. When Trey is cooking, he dances. It. Is. Awesome. Whenever I start dancing with him he tells me, "It's all in the hips, it's alllll in the hips."

Which is pretty much his motto for life. Which kinda works if you think about it. His hips don't lie.

Yeah. I went there. Had to.

fort building (including an astounding 2 story masterpiece)

exploring weird restaurants

movies

smooching

pranks

jokes

Now, lets rewind to about two weeks after he came home.

"If I asked you to marry me right now, what would you say?"

"Um, I would say no."

"That's what I thought. Just checking."

It seemed proper that since we had had a sleepover two weeks after we met that marriage would be brought up two weeks after returning home.

Thus beginning the series of Talks About Marriage.

You guys know how awesome we were at Serious Talks, remember our DTR?

Now, we had talked about marriage throughout his mission. He was the only person I was ever able to imagine marrying.

(I mostly imagined us dancing barefoot to this song as our first dance.

Which we did, by the way.)

But actually Talking About Marriage terrified me. I had spent my entire life ensuring that I did not have any serious relationships, then I spent two years completely shutting my heart to all of the male species, and now that my Imagined Wedding Dance Partner was here, in person, wanting to talk to me about marriage, I was freaking out.

Freaking out you guys.

One of the said Talks took place on a midnight drive to Bear Lake (right?). He basically told me that he would wait a floppity jillion years for me to get my act together as long as we were indeed going somewhere.

I stopped freaking out. I knew I wanted to marry this guy. I had known for years. We were going somewhere. We had been since That Time He Rolled His Lacrosse Ball Into My Apartment. I stopped praying for guidance on what to do and started praying telling my Heavenly Father what my plan was and to stop me if I was wrong. I got the green light.  In fact, I got the you-already-know-the-answer-so-just-go-ahead-and-do-it-already light.

We went to Park City with his sister and her husband at the end of February. Ish. Ever since that conversation 2 weeks after he had gotten home, it had never been a question of whether or not we'd get married, but of how soon.

I said something about the end of summer and he was all, "WTF?" and I was all, "right?"

We stayed up till 4 in the morning talking and planning. Nothing had ever felt so right in my entire life. It was one of the greatest spiritual moments I have ever had.

We were also in the middle of planning our spring break trip to CA. In our even heightened googly eyed state it was definitely going to be the Best Trip Ever.

And it was. Until our honeymoon.

We were going, just the two of us for almost a whole week.

We packed the car, grabbed a loaf of bread and PB & J and were off. We

stayed with his uncle

surprised cousin Jules

celebrated cousin Annie's birthday

went sailing

went swimming

stayed with his grandma

talked about everything under the sun

At the beach one day while I was sunbathing or something equally important, he asked Jules if he was cool enough to marry me. It will be forever known as That Time Trey Asked Jules' Permission to Marry Me Before Anyone Else, Including My Dad.

We got home on Thursday and went to Bradford and Jenessa's wedding on Friday. While there he asked me what I did and did not like about every. single. ring. we saw.

Saturday night came and he proclaimed that it was time to get some Nielson's Frozen Custard (of course it was, it is always time for Nielsons' Frozen Custard) and we went on a drive.  We were up near the mountains and he was all, "let's get out" and I was all, "WTF I'm cold."  But we got out, and he knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said, "marry me Juliet"  JK.  But he did kneel and whip out a ring and I was flabbergasted.


I said yes.  (surprise!)


He explained his sneakiness by telling me that early that morning he went to breakfast with my dad and had a long chat with him all while I was still slumbering.  He was planning on proposing either at the beach or at Disneyland when we went with his family 2 weeks later (spoiled much?).  


But then he went with his mom to pick out a ring.
Trey:  (while looking at my future ring) "Wouldn't the diamonds on the sides rubbing against her fingers get annoying?"
Trey's Mom:  "Trey.  If I had diamonds rubbing against my fingers for the rest of my life I would be happy."
Smart woman.
Therefore, that was the ring that was destined to reside on my finger.


Once he had the ring he texted my dad saying it was "burning a hole in his pocket" and therefore went with the element of surprise.  Which I was completely fine with.


And so we went back to school engaged and twitter pated with grand plans to be sitting around my roommates and him just chuck the ring at my head and ask me to marry him and shock my roommates....yet somehow it did not happen.


And so we went to Disneyland like the proper engaged couple that we were, finished school and moved back to Davis County, enjoyed the summer blissfully together, and then all of the sudden it was the night before we would officially be able to have sex and still be temple worthy.  (my father-in-law once told me that was how he knew he was getting old - when his kids were able to pull that one off)


Trey dropped me off at my house, grabbed my hands and looked me straight in the eyes.  No funny business, this was Serious.  All he said was, "We made it."


Yes we did.


I had made the wise decision to have an afternoon ceremony so I lounged around the house all day, chilling like it ain't no thang.


The sealing was so beautiful and so sacred.
I don't remember much of what was actually said, but something the sealer told us beforehand will always stay with me.  


"Satan lost today."


Amazing.


The reception was awesome, except for the fact that it was a floppity jillion degrees outside.  My poor friends and family.


Read about the honeymoon here.


And here we are!  If you stuck with me till now I am impressed.  And if you didn't, I enjoyed writing it down, and you're not even reading this anyway so booyah.  I'll do a marriage edition sometime soon, but for now, this is the end of the mega posts.


I have learned and grown so much since That Time That Kid Rolled His Lacrosse Ball Into My Apartment.  We are madly in love.


I have an amazing, hilarious, live-in, BFF with benefits.  And that's the dream.

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, Ever. Pt II

*Shout out to Jenessa, without whom this relationship never would have been possible*

So.

In the midst of all of our adventure having, and me trying to keep from having a boyfriend, I was realizing some interesting things.

I was realizing that even though when I went home for the weekends and hung out with old friends I really just wanted to hangout with Trey.

I realized that I didn't want to go on dates with anyone else.

Basically I realized I wanted to spend all my time with Trey.

I realized that I had found someone who loved the beach and the ocean just as much or more than I did, and that it actually could be possible to someday live at the beach and have a family and be a faithful church goer and be blissfully happy. This was revelatory.

I realized that I had never been more myself with a boy.

I realized that I had never had more fun with a boy.

I realized that he was the best kisser I ever did kiss. (What? It's true.)

Well folks, the semester was coming to a close, and wouldn't you know it, Trey and Derek were leaving on LDS missions after it ended. You guys, I know. Heaven help me, I was not going to be one of Those Girls. Barf.

I very distinctly remember lying on the Lovesac one night, and having a conversation that went a little something like this:

Trey, "Um, uh, I don't really want this to just be some fling with my neighbor that ends when school does...."

Me, "Me neither."

DONE.

Suck it, DTR's.

Well. The semester ended, we moved home, hung out a lot, and he went to Hawaii with his family for ten days. I thought I was going to die, and if I couldn't even survive him being gone for ten days how in the name of all that is holy am I going to survive two years and wait a minute, didn't I decide I wasn't going to be one of Those Girls?

He came back, I was alive, we continued to hangout, talk, etc. etc. School started again. I went up to school, he drove in a blizzard to come visit and we watched movies all night and talked and stuff. (I can't give you guys ALL the intimate details of our conversations)

One night I had a dream that he told me he loved me. I was truly sad when I woke up and realized it wasn't true. Thus confirming the suspicion in my mind that I Loved Him. For real you guys.

After that, it took all I had to keep it in. And so one night very soon before he left, I said it. While crying, because it was close to him leaving, and I was terrified because remember how awkward I am with real live feelings? He looked at me, picked me up and hugged me and said, "me too." And that will forever be known as The Time I Said I Love You And He Said Me Too.

The time came for us to really say goodbye, because I had to go back to school, and he was getting set apart as a missionary in the next couple days. We said I Love You for reals, we were super super googley eyed and that's that.

We texted, talked, iChatted (oh you know before face time and all that?) constantly, and then he left. He called me from the airport, and me still being completely awkward, couldn't just say goodbye like a normal person.

I remember coming home sobbing and telling my very alarmed father that "there just isn't anything wrong with him!" He informed me that was called love. We duh I already knew that dad, gosh. (right?)

I was a little bit of a mess. I was one of Those Girls. I hated every second of it. I hated that he was gone and I hated that I hated that he was gone. I don't even think I looked at another boy for almost a whole semester. I mastered the art of looking as disgusting as possible because I never really cared that much when someone I liked was around, so I sure as heck wasn't going to care now. The joke around my apartment was, "Shh, Sara's sleeping." Just because I sort of hated the boys on my floor and wanted no part of their stupid shenanigans in my apartment.

Well. We wrote almost weekly, and wrote about life, spiritual things, how we were going to take a big trip to Mexico when he got back, and lots of jokes. I sent him pictures and awesome things, he sent me pictures and awesome things.

For awhile he sent me a square of toilet paper from every apartment he stayed at. Awesome things like that.

Did I mention he was in England? He sent me a picture of him standing on the street, Privet Drive. Privet Drive you guys.

I learned to live with myself being one of Those Girls and actually made friends that were girls. Who I'm still friends with, and will be forever, so there. We had hilarious good times, and while I flirted and randomly dated, nothing even remotely serious came into my life.

About a year after Trey had left, I had started seriously hanging out with someone. I say hanging out because I don't think anyone knew what was going on with us, including us. Near the beginning of this, Trey wrote me a letter. This became known as That Time Trey Wrote Sara Off.

Yep. That happened.

My heart was completely broken. Omitting the excruciating detail (I know, I know, now is the time I decide to summarize?), it was a spiritual prompting, and it truly was for the best. It changed the way we looked at things, and helped us grow in unimaginable ways. About a month later (ok so sometimes it was that long in between letters anyways, so what?) he wrote me again, and we picked up pretty much where we left off, but older and wiser than before.

Meanwhile, I was still "seriously hanging out" with someone. I went to Switzerland for the summer, and spent it traveling by myself. (Which I recommend to everyone. Everyone.) The 2 years in which he was gone I learned more about myself than my whole life combined. Eventually I ended the "serious hanging out", it was very dramatic, people ended up hurt, that didn't have to be if I hadn't been such a doofus, and it was a gigantic learning experience for me.

Cue December. Trey was coming home in the beginning of January, I was completely single and I was ecstatic. Who knew what would happen, (ok, we had our suspicions) but I could not wait to find out. I went to his house on Christmas to talk to him a mere two weeks before he was coming home. We joked and laughed and talked just as we always had, and I was about to die of excitement.

The day came that he was coming home. I didn't go to the airport because hello, I was not going to spend the first time I saw him giving him a handshake. It was my roommate Kylie's wedding reception that night, I went to that, came to Trey's house, and waited for his family to get home. All of his friends showed up, I was very nervous, and when he came through the door I jumped on him and that was that.

And that brings the end of Part II, Part III will be coming soon!

(I wonder how many Parts I can stretch this out to be...?)

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, Ever. Pt I

I realized the other day that I have yet to document fully the way Trey and I became, well, Trey and I.

Thus begins my utterly fascinating story told in excruciating detail titled,

The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, Ever.

Or,

That Time That Kid Rolled His Lacrosse Ball Into My Apartment.

The time was August 2007 and I had just moved in to my freshman apartment at Snow Hall in Logan Utah.

I was living away from my parents (whom I love dearly, but still)

Living with friends

About to start college

And about to meet a whole new mess of hot guys

(that seriously was on my list of excitements)

I was in heaven.

I was sick of high school and the people in it and ready to flirt with some college babes.

Flirt, as in flirt with as many boys as humanly possible, not get married for a floppity jillion years and just party on Wayne, party on.

(i may or may not have been sort of a tease. but weren't we all at some point or another.)

At church the first week we were there I saw a blonde kid and his friend and thought hm. Then forgot about it. Then at Family Home Evening (possibly the only one attended in my entire singles ward experience) I saw them again! There was pizza, they grabbed some and left. How mysterious.

Luckily, we lived with the RA and she knew what was up. She deduced that there was one apartment on our floor of potential hotties, therefore we made lemon bars to take over.

(i so did that. that really happened.)

Before we could, however, a lacrosse ball came rolling in through our open door. Blonde kid and his friend came in, apologized, introduced themselves as Trey and Derek, didn't want any lemon bars (Fail) and left.

RA Katie said there was no Trey on her list and that the blonde one must live somewhere else. Disappointment.

According to them, that was truly an accident, but then they decided it was a good way to meet girls. So they rolled their ball into every apartment on our floor. And then rolled their ball in again to ours.

Turns out Trey was really George Edd Richards III (get it, the third?) and he really did live right next to us. (score!) We talked, kinda thought they were awkward and a little weird (turns out this was their specialty). It was mentioned that they were from Bountiful, and Ali (one of my roommates) and I were from Farmington so instant bonding was done.

(I originally wrote bondage but that just sounded wrong)

Ali's mom was even Trey's English teacher in high school! What a world. More bonding ensued.

We saw them again at a "Welcome to School BBQ." Trey invited us to go see Mr. Bean with his friends. We declined. I remember him saying he was interested in marine biology, and that he was wearing a shark tooth necklace. I thought, hm, he is kool.

We invited them to some other BBQ (what's with college and welcome back BBQ's? I wasn't complaining) and, while I'm a little fuzzy on the details, somehow we all exchanged numbers (for some reason I remember one of them shouting theirs at us as we walked away or as an elevator was closing? I don't know.)

We had a floor meeting about all the rules, it was super long and super boring. There was an old weird dude and a young weird girl talking, and Trey started texting me telling me they were probably dating. As we speculated about their relationship, I thought, hm, he is kool.

(Fact: We lived on the 5th floor. Sometimes I would take the stairs just because I would then have to pass their door and sometimes it would be open. Obviously I have no shame.)

Two weeks later we were all at a football game, and the brilliant plan to go camping in Bear Lake was hatched. We grabbed our blankets, pillows, a giant bag of pretzels, and set off. "Who thinks we need a campsite? We can just sleep on the beach and swim in the morning," was our genius thought process. We made it to Bear Lake, stopped in at Bear Lake Pizza, and set out to find our spot. After copious amounts of walking around with blankets and pillows we finally picked our spot. We got all settled in and were then blinded by headlights.

Apparently the ranger thought we needed a campsite.

After we were kicked out, Derek, (Natalie?), Ali and Jules wanted to go home. I was appalled. This was an adventure that we were on here, we were in college for pete's sake.

Trey, apparently, felt the same way.

Ali and Jules told me I could just stay with him.

(what kind of roommates do that? he could have been a serial killer for all they knew)

I think my mouth literally dropped open. I cannot do that. But wait, I am on an adventure and I am in college and can't I do whatever the crap I want?

So I stayed.

Now, at this point, two weeks into our knowing each other, we were definitely digging on each other. I mean, there were signs. Like, we would always sit next to each other. Stuff like that.

So everyone else departed, taking the pizza with them, leaving us to survive in the wild with our giant bag of pretzels. As we drove around looking for a new spot he got a text from someone and told me about how he got this girls number by writing it on his bank deposit slip and sending it in, and they actually dated. I thought this was hilarious.

We found a spot, and made ourselves comfortable (as comfortable as one can get on top of a car). Suffice it to say, this night had started to get sufficeintly awkward. I mean, our friends had completely abandoned us in our time of need, and he could have been a serial killer you guys!

What I remember of that night is a lot of talking, no sleeping, somehow us having a contest to see who can not talk the longest and us going for about an hour with him snapping his fingers in my face and me shoving him off the car in annoyance. Somewhere in there (probably out of pure exhaustion and desperation for comfort) we got cuddled in there, and maybe, possibly, shared a smooch or two.

Turns out it gets really cold at night there, so at like 5:00 am we moved to the car and fell asleep for an hour or so. We awoke to a ranger tapping his flashlight on the window and telling us we weren't allowed to be there. Finding this infinitely hilarious, we drove to an actual sandy beach, went swimming in the arctic water and took a short nap. I think we held hands. We drove home, waved awkwardly goodbye, and I shut the door.

(sidenote: as much of a flirt and a tease as I said I was, I was and probably still am remarkably awkward when it comes to things like actual feelings)

My roommates burst out laughing, and I sank to the floor. They had taken bets on whether or not we had cuddled, but they had not taken into account the possibility that we would have actually kissed. Proud to have exceeded their expectations, I promptly went to bed and fell asleep till that evening, while Trey drove home to Bountiful for something he had going on there. Later I found out he had called his sister and told her all about this "girl he liked".

(And he washed my socks, which I somehow had left in his car. I should have known right then and there that this guy was The Chosen One.)

When he got back, he would randomly say "remember that time we kissed?" and, "hey guys, remember that time I kissed Sara?" ensuring that this situation would remain as awkward as humanly possible. I mean, what had I done? I had come to college to flirt with as many boys as I possibly could, and here I was kissing one already? This was heading towards dangerous territory here.

Thus began our relationship of hanging out constantly, and maybe, possibly sharing a smooch here and there. True Aggie night rolled around, we made each other True Aggies and it will forever be known as the night that The Most Hilariously Awkward Kiss Mankind Has Ever Seen happened.

Somewhere in there I remember telling him that "maybe, uh, we should, like, stop kissing if that's like, uh, all we're doing" trying to keep myself from having a boyfriend and also keeping myself from being one of those girls. That held up for maybe a week.

The semester continued, and we were together everyday. I mean, we lived literally 10 feet away from each other.

Thus began adventures such as:

Peach smoothies

LOST marathons

Hiding shoes in freezers

Taping Caitlin's exercise ball to the ceiling

Midnight bike rides

Completely switching Derek and Caitlin's rooms

Derek sneaking into our apartment to take showers just because RA Katie told him he couldn't

Playing in fire truck foam

Lovesac jumping

Recording sessions

Midnight food runs

Hiding Ghandi Katie The Great (aka Javier, Trey's roommate's hamster from RA Katie because they weren't allowed - even though he named it after her)

That time Javier accidentally ordered the 7th Harry Potter in Braille and it came in a gigantic stack of manuscripts.

If you are still with me here...stay tuned for Part II, coming soon to a blog near you!

they say its your birthday

this last sunday was Trey's 23rd birthday!

what an oldie.

when your birthday falls on a Sunday, really that just means the whole weekend is your birthday.

Friday:

Tepanyaki

cuddling up on the couch and catching up on all our shows for the week

(sometimes that is our favorite thing to do)

Saturday:

Mo' Bettah

Coldstone

playing with friends

the Kinect

Sunday:

cinnamon rolls and bacon (the breakfast of champions)

decorations and candles

dinner at the grandparents

cake and games with sister and brother in law

Now, I DID get him a little "date box" but this year, our real birthday and Christmas presents are combined into one big

trip to the Bahamas.

Oh yeah.

We decided that neither-of-us-was-wanting-anything-in-particular-and-we-don't-have-any-kids-and-we-love-the-beach-more-than-anything-in-the-whole-wide-world-so-why-not-go-to-the-Bahamas-for-a-week?

coming soon. march 2012.

This is where we are staying.

It's its own island.

We are also getting around to using one of my birthday presents from last year and getting ourselves scuba certified for the unlimited amounts diving we are going to do.

We are so freaking excited we can't even stand it. And so so lucky.

People keep telling me I need to take up a "winter activity" to survive living in Utah.

Our winter activity is planning our trip to the beach.

Suckers.

Sunday Funday

One of the best parts of being in our own little family of two is starting our own traditions.

One of my favorites is our Sunday morning ritual.

Every week we wake up

make cinnamon rolls

And watch a Sunday Movie

(aka "little kid" movie that we still love. Last week it was Like Mike. Today its Beauty and the Beast.)

And then we get ready, go to church, and head to family's for dinner.

Hope your Sunday is fabulous!

Cosmic Love

The other day I told Trey I felt like eating ice cream.

That's all that was said, and our conversation continued.

5 to 10 minutes later I said, "You know what would be really awesome?"

He answered, "If Coldstone delivered?"

WHAAAA???

The jury's still out on whether him reciting word for word my thoughts makes him

just that cool

or me

just that lame.